New Chapter In My Life

Broke off with my boyfriend of 5 years. I wished it won't come to this but no matter what, we have too much differences. Though it hurts like hell but still I feel its best we broke off. There are so many things that he wished for but I am unable to fulfill. I am so heartbroken even if it was me who wanted this. Its killing me slowly.

Dying inside bit by bit.

Silent Scream

Why do I feel as if I am being crushed by a boulder? Why am I such an insecure person? I guess this is my biggest flaw. I think too much. I have always been like this. Even before I do something I will always think about the outcome, the pros and cons. It can be good to think in advance but sometimes it can be hell when its not something u like.

I wished I could just scream out and let out my pent up feelings. My imagination is running wild. It could be a small matter to a certain person but to me its not. I wished I can have the feeling of being secured. I am the type of girl who always need to be assured because I don't even have confidence in myself... Life sux...

Longest days of my life

5 days. 5 days my internet was down. And they were the longest 5 days of my life. I am such an unlucky girl. But I think this is the 1st time I read so many books in 5 days .I am so glad I have my books to keep me company. But thank God the waiting is over now. Now I can continue with my life again.

The return Of The Black Sheep

Well guess I am back now. It has been more than a year since I last logged in. Many things has happened during the time I did not log in. The good and the bad and the worst.

Well I am still the same girl I was a year ago though I have matured tremendously this one year. Life is still the same. Still staying at home. Haven't started Uni yet because I am still helping to take care of an elderly family member. Life is bored as usual. Doing the same things. Having the same chores.

Well 2 nights ago my bro-in-law was in his usual good mood when he drinks. He was going to have his dinner and he saw there were not many spoons in the cabinet and he asked me where I put all the spoons. I told him they were all at the same place I put after I washed them. Then he asked me why there were so few and asked me what I did to them. I was already in a bad mood so I answered him back. I told him "How do I know? Do u think I ate it ?" Well I know I should not answer back but u should have heard the his tone when he asked me. He was accusing me. 

Next thing I know he threw his ashtray at me and it hit my hips. I know I should have avoided it but I was so mad that I just stood there and stared at him. He threw his dinner plate but it hit the wall coz I avoided the 2nd time he threw. I am so glad he did not use all his strength as I can see by the way he threw it, it was not with all his might or else I would have to go to the hospital.

I went directly to my room and let him shout whatever he wants. So sick of him and his abusive ways. Only think I was afraid is when he

goes to his friend's house to drink. Oh my. Every night he comes home drunk like hell. I do not know how my sis can stand him but who cares. Its her husband. After his dinner he went out.

I wanted to lock myself in my room tonight but I was afraid when he comes back he will scold me again and I was right. He came back, opened my door and started to shouting at me again and this time I kept my mouth shut and just stared at him. Maybe he hated my look and so he almost threw my hand cream at me but he stopped at the last moment when I used my hands to cover my face. Then he went out of my room and went to sleep in his room. Sis did not even come out to see what was wrong. I am so glad I did not lock my room or else he would have broken down my door.

Haiz. He is a really sick guy. Hate him. I should have told him to go attend some anger management course but I might get beaten up again. I just wished life is kinder to me. Is that so hard to ask for?