Lifeless

Recently I realized I got no mood for anything. As if I am a lifeless person. I can just stare into space and just go blank. I don't know why. 

Two nights ago when I was getting ready for bed. All of a sudden I feel so empty. EMPTY and HOLLOW!!!! I do not know why suddenly I felt like that. I never had it this bad before. I wanted to scream... but I am not alone at home so I had no choice but to control myself. Oh my. The feeling is terrible when you can't let out whatever frustration there is inside of you. I feel as if I am gonna burst. I was even thinking of knocking my head to the wall just to knock myself out.

I wanted to give up everything. I felt as if life is nothing. Life is mean. I feel as if I am just a shell. No one knows how I am feeling inside. Hell... I myself don't even know whats wrong. I just cried and cried softly to myself till my pillow is all wet with my tears. Then I think halfway through crying I fell asleep. 

Sometimes I wished I could just sleep forever and not wake up. I had to hide my feelings and emotions because I have nowhere to vent it. 

The next morning, I was walking like a zombie when I went to the market. There was no feelings in me. My mind was blanked. I just walked and walked until suddenly a car honked at me. Then I realized I was walking in the middle of the road which I did not even realize until the car honked at me. Luckily the road is just a small road and there were not many cars passing. After that I paid attention to where I was going.

Life is really meaningless...

I am like a living doll... lifeless

I am like these dolls. 

Missing Him Already

Today my bf is going for a holiday to China with his family. We talked awhile before he flew off. I am definitely going to miss him like crazy. It will be days when I won't be able to hear his voice.

What is wrong with him?

Last night I was feeling hungry and so I went to the kitchen to cook some instant noodles and what do you think he (bro-in-law) said? He said my eating habits are weird. Eating in the middle of the night and especially in the mornings. Hey, do you know what he was doing in the kitchen? Cooking his own supper. Every night he eats his supper at midnight and here he is saying I am weird. Isn't like the pot calling the kettle black?

He nagged and nagged till I can't even finish my noodles and so I had to throw it away. No appetite. Every time after he cooks or after he has finished eating, I had to wash everything especially when I wake up in the morning. I think he is a psycho. And normally when we cook a noodle we'd need a pot and a bowl thats all. But for him there will be so many things to wash that I wonder what type of special noodle it is.

Haiz, guess I complain too much...

Bad Luck or Jinxed?

So many bad things happened to me the for last few weeks. Firstly it was with my bf. 

Then my puppy named Loki was taken away to set free because they don't allow me to keep him. My poor Loki... I cried when they took him away but what can I do? He is such a cute puppy. Always loving and playful. I tried going back to the place where they set him free but I could not find him anymore...

Last week my pet sugar glider passed away in the early morning. I don't know what happened but a day before she passed away she seemed so weak that she could not hold up her head. I held her head and fed her some apples and after that she was better. Maybe she was hungry haiz. After that I played with her though she did not run actively over my body like before but I was happy enough. But unfortunately the next morning she died...

Two days ago I fractured my pinkie toe on the leg of a couch and it had to be bandaged. The x-ray showed a small crack at the center tiny toe. Now I am in pain and I can't walk fast and everytime I set my foot down,  the pain is excruciating. Even when I am resting it, it pained me. At times it throbs so badly that my tears fell. Doc said I need it needs to be bandaged for at least 2 weeks and it all in, it may take around 2 months to fully recover. I am asked to rest my foot more but how am I to rest when I've got so many chores to do and marketing too?

This morning I took off my bandage so that I can wear my slipper to do marketing and the pain was terrible. But there is nothing I could do. I can't even wear anything except slipper but with the bandage on I can't even put my slipper on and so I had to take it off. I bandaged it back when I reached home. Lets hope the pain will ease as days go by. 

So what do you think? Am I unlucky or am I really jinxed?