Lifeless

Recently I realized I got no mood for anything. As if I am a lifeless person. I can just stare into space and just go blank. I don't know why. 

Two nights ago when I was getting ready for bed. All of a sudden I feel so empty. EMPTY and HOLLOW!!!! I do not know why suddenly I felt like that. I never had it this bad before. I wanted to scream... but I am not alone at home so I had no choice but to control myself. Oh my. The feeling is terrible when you can't let out whatever frustration there is inside of you. I feel as if I am gonna burst. I was even thinking of knocking my head to the wall just to knock myself out.

I wanted to give up everything. I felt as if life is nothing. Life is mean. I feel as if I am just a shell. No one knows how I am feeling inside. Hell... I myself don't even know whats wrong. I just cried and cried softly to myself till my pillow is all wet with my tears. Then I think halfway through crying I fell asleep. 

Sometimes I wished I could just sleep forever and not wake up. I had to hide my feelings and emotions because I have nowhere to vent it. 

The next morning, I was walking like a zombie when I went to the market. There was no feelings in me. My mind was blanked. I just walked and walked until suddenly a car honked at me. Then I realized I was walking in the middle of the road which I did not even realize until the car honked at me. Luckily the road is just a small road and there were not many cars passing. After that I paid attention to where I was going.

Life is really meaningless...

I am like a living doll... lifeless

I am like these dolls.